On September 21, Will Oremus, wrote about the new IPhone 5 he had just bought. He used the amazing qualities it has to make the reader impressed with the new technology of the phone. He described the new apps, the improved maps and other amazing features. Then, he told us that he used to have an IPhone 3 and that he could clearly see the difference between both cellphone. Mr. Oremus persuaded the reader to think that he was going to write about how wonderful the new IPhone was, but then he came with the last paragraphs, most readers were probably surprised.
At the end of the article, the writer switches from saying only good and amazing things about the IPhone, to saying people should not buy it. He talks about how dangerous it is to have a whole world in your hands, who people can do anything with the IPhone 5 and that is not always a good thing. Oremus also talks about how having a good phone can take up too much of people's life and keep them from enjoying some of the best things in life. So the reader, at the end of the article can conclude that IPhone are great but not as great as some other really important things in life, and that people most definitely can live without them.
-punctuation on first sentence looks a bit awkward; there's no need for a comma after Will Oremus:
ReplyDelete"On September 21, Will Oremus wrote about the new iPhone 5 he had just bought."
-you shouldn't use Mr. before the author's last name; the 4th sentence should start like "Oremus persuaded the reader to think he's going to write about the wonders of the new iPhone ..."
-"but then he came with the last paragraphs" doesn't make sense
-punctuation on the last sentence: "The reader then, at the end of the article, can conclude the iPhone ...."
-grammar "that the iPhone IS" rather than "that iPhone ARE"